Courage To Go Forward

This is my journey of almost 8 months from recovery of a bilateral pulmonary embolism. I use my journey to encourage others who, perhaps , have had a stroke with very debilitating setbacks that seemed surmountable to come back from. These random blog entries are from a personal point of view.

My livelihood has been affected, I’ve had to relearn to walk, to go up and down stairs, I have to think before I go and down stairs. What once was instinctual , takes thought. Things that most people take granted, even my own adult children , are done with thought. Can I lift up even my GRANDaughter into my arms securely when she reaches out to me? I question. Do I have enough leg strength to lift my body up from a position to get off from the floor?

Learning to use my weakened left arm as much as I can because people aren’t always able to help me nor do they necessarily want to. The thing about me is that I’ve always been independent, do what I need to , if nobody else will, so O’m good with that. Oh, I decided not to edit myself in this blog just to look back on what how my mind interprets my thoughts .So, errors in this entry is my plan. Bear with me. Spell check doesn’t catch everything.

I haven’t yet started back to driving…but I see it in my future. I am so not complaining , this is how a day can be for me. Caregivers can sometimes get impatient , my own adults children are impatient with me. My mother does not project kindness or concern for me and my needs bcz she has hurt my feeling with cruel words…but my daughter hurt my feelings too. But I try to be let battles that confront me, be fought from Spirit. The more I learn to more independent the better for me.

Now, I’m learning what my God is requiring of me, to have humility, to amp up my compassion, amp up my spiritual growth and I know at the end of the day, the more I go forward on this journey, the more I know the Messiah ( for me) covers me.

Doctors, as it was reported to me from my family, didn’t expect me to survive …tor that I would be brain dead… but I’m here! Clots traveled all through my body, through the hole in my heart to my brain. However, I have the courage to go forward no matter the odds . Peace!

~Crooked Lavender~